Barb's Blog

Women in divorce sometimes find themselves overwhelmed by fears.  Fear can paralyze you.  It can keep you from making good decisions - or from making any decisions at all.  It can make you believe something is wrong with you and cause you to isolate yourself.  And it can find its way into every part of your life.

I was afraid of being alone, and of the pain I was causing my children, and of not being able to support myself.  I was afraid I was eating too much, or I was not eating enough.  I was afraid my mother would come over, and I hadn't cleaned the bathroom!

Fear can disguise itself as being over-cautious or indecisive.  If you are waiting for all your ducks to get in a row, please know they never will.  And though you can get a duck or two going, new ducks are always hatching!

Fear can also disguise itself as perfectionism, so please set the bar a little lower for yourself.  You will make the best decsions you can.  They might not be perfect, but life isn't about being perfect and it's ok to be human.

How to ease your fear:

1-Understand that fear is a normal reaction to stress and change, and there is nothing wrong with you.

2-Ask for help, and surround yourself with caring friends and professional support.

3-Trust in your ability, your inner strength, and your higher power.

4-Do the best you can one day at a time.  Your best might be to make a budget or take a nap, call your attorney or have a cookie.

5-Journal about your fear.  Writing can help you discover truths and insights.

6. Breathe!  Take a slow deep breath every so often during the day, especially if you start to feel overwhelmed.  It's calming, it helps you stay present, and it gets some oxygen into your system all at the same time.