Barb's Blog

Tremendous sadness is all too familiar for women and divorce.  I was great at being sad.  If it was a sport, I was performing at Olympic an level!  But try as I might, I could not "do" anger.  You see, I never learned how to deal with anger, because was brought up to be a Nice Girl, and Nice Girls don't get angry.

As any serious athlete, I asked for help.  My coach - well, my therapist - gave me two assignments.  First I was to purchase a large pad of paper and a big box of crayons, place the pad on the table, take a crayon from the box, and scribble my anger onto the top sheet.

How silly, I thought.  But the first time I tried, I turned  my head away and squeezed my eyes shut.  Did it frighten me to see my anger, even on a piece of paper? Was I afraid I was going to be punished when my dark thoughts appreared in my scribbling?

Eventually I could watch my hand fly across the pages, sometimes pressing so hard I tore through the paper. When I finished I always felt calmer and sometimes even exhasuted, like I had just finished an intense workout.

My second exercise was to write the letters to my ex that would never be sent.  I wrote some doozies! One day, sitting down to write yet another to add to my stack, I realized I was writing the same things over and over. It was getting boring!  So, I wrote instead to my anger...

"Dear Anger,  Enough already!  What is the deal anyway?"  As I wrote I began to understand my anger was a valuable tool, warning me when something was dangerous. And it had a powerful energy that pushed me into action, helping me get of the sofa and move forward in my life. 

These are vital gifts for all of us... even Nice Girls!