Barb's Blog
When we are getting a divorce we do what we can to protect our broken hearts. And when we, as women of divorce, reach out for divorce support, we can choose to heal our hearts as well.
Some women feel as if they have been freed from a cage, and their heart feels light and revived. Others feel their hearts have been so damaged and abused, they can barely breathe.
In whatever condition we find ourselves, Dee Bailey, MA, CPCC (www.deebailey.com) reminds us to care for and strengthen our hearts by saying "Yes" to what fills us up and saying "No" when we need, especially to things that drain our energy.
She reminds us to accept the support of others and to take a moment, if we are able, to help someone else who is in need of support themselves.
She encourages us to expect to heal and to watch for signs of hope.
A sign might be that we no longer find our eyes filling with tears when we are in the frozen food section of the grocery store, or that we are able to notice a beautiful sunrise, or that we have stopped eating entire cartons of ice cream!
Dee understands the importance of honoring who we've been, who we are now, and who we are becoming. And what a gift, to be able to choose who we are becoming and develop our identity and a clearer sense of ourselves. When we look, not only at what is lost and what is left, but we also look at what is possible, the world opens up to us.
As our heart heals, it can once again lead us, we can trust it, and we can create a future for ourselves and our family that is filled with love and blessing and our own unique happily ever after.
On a Friday night at the beginning of August, I went to the Carver County Fair with three friends....all of us women of divorce. Life after divorce can be quite an adventure, and we were quite a group. One of us had trouble walking, one had trouble hearing, and I had trouble staying awake. Luckily the youngest was in great shape and kept us moving!
We ate. We looked at horses, cows, goats, and sheep. We ate. We looked at beautiful floral arrangements and colorful quilts. We ate. And we laughed and laughed.
Friendship heals and comforts and is a precious medicine for the soul.
We hear much about self-care, especially during divorce. We are instructed to eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, and keep our attitudes positive so we can move forward. There seems to be such a rush to move forward, and sometimes this all seems like simply too much work.
Instead of moving forward, Friday felt like going back in time, remembering fairs we attended when we were young, how we loved horses, and how we used to be able to eat a lot more before our stomachs got upset!
At the end of the evening I was calmer, more hopeful, more light-hearted, and more trusting that there is still so much joy to be found in life.
During my divorce, joy seemed, maybe not lost, but so very far away. And with all the other losses of that time, I had also lost those friends who felt they had to choose sides and so decided to remain connected to my ex.
But extraordinary new friends have appeared to join the other dear women who have always supported me. When I focus too much on work and the practical pieces of life, they bring me with them out into the world...to fairs and on boat rides and to shopping adventures.
Their presence in my life gives me energy, confidence, encouragement and is a powerful force of healing. These gifts are wating for each of us whenever we reach out to a friend.
